Mental Health Writings: What if There Was Truth in Advertising for Psychiatric Drugs?

 

Then the list of side effects might look like this—

 

Caution: May cause flattening of the personality, making you as interesting and exciting as an ironing board.

 

May cause weight gain of three hundred pounds.

 

In certain rare cases, may cause sudden and unexpected death.

 

If you experience any of these symptoms, or find yourself unexpectedly dead, call your mental health provider immediately, or go to the nearest emergency room.

The Graduate

While a member of Solidarity, I actually encountered a self-proclaimed woman comrade who called herself a "fat activist," which I found incredibly short sided, and not at all a good way to advance real leftist ideas.  But there is this contrarian streak on the left, especially the far left, of which Solidarity was a part, that anything approved of by the "mainstream" must be opposed in principle!  Even--of all things--obesity.  So, as a conscientious radical who upholds science, I penned an article for Solidarity's discussion bulletin pointing out that the CDC had pointed out that obesity in the US was a major public health problem.  My article was denied publication on the grounds it was--get this--"offensive"!  Well, truth is, obesity is a major health problem in the US, and can lead to many other diseases, among them high blood pressure, diabetes, and vulnerability to heart attacks.  While some people are obese due to natural conditions (for example, my friend's daughter, who has fibromyalgia), or to certain medications (such as many of the drugs used to treat bipolar disorder), in too many other cases it's due to lack of exercise, poor eating habits (i.e., too much sugar and junk food in diets), alcohol consumption, or a combination of these.  In other words, it's a bad habit that may be difficult to overcome, but be overcome it must, for a healthy body.  Which is the point of my sardonic brief article posted below.  I'm going to advance here another short bit of sardonic humor, this brief "advertisement" for legal services:

                                                                        GET RID OF UGLY FAT

                                                                        Divorce him/her now!

                                                                        W.E. Splittem

                                                                        Attorney-at-law

Now to my actual post, below--GF

Did you hear about the left-wing "fat activist" (yes, such do indeed exist, and so publicly proclaim themselves, on the left today!), who fights female "body-shaming" with—obesity? She graduated. She's now a "diabetes activist," a "high blood pressure activist," and a "heart attack danger activist"!

                                                                        

                             

Australopithecus hoosierensis

This article also originally appeared in Examiner.com--GF

Contrary to accepted opinion, Indiana is not populated by and large by Homo sapiens, but rather, by a deceptively human-appearing species of nasty, stupid, erect-walking ape, Australopithecus hoosierensis.  Australopithecus hoosierensis differs markedly from its cousin, Australopithecus mississippiensis, in that, while Australopithecus hoosierensis professes to love music, and often inflicts itself on others with this profession by doing fifth-rate karaoke versions of third-rate country and pop songs, it cannot sing the blues, and thinks “My home is in the Delta” refers to a frat house!

Needless to say, this designation, Australopithecus hoosierensis, goes over poorly with that half of the allegedly adult Indiana population that does not believe in evolution.  This half is thus prone to complain volubly, “I ain’t descended from no ape!  I is an ape!”   Then there is that that invariably appreciative and supportive Hoosier work supervisor (hah!), who is often given to say to an underling:  “You made ten mistakes this morning.  You did the work of an idiot.  If I wanted the work of an idiot, I would’ve done it myself!”

 

Then there is that classic cultural characteristic of Australopithecus hoosierensis, doing things according to Indiana ‘Round to It Time (“I’ll do it when I get ‘round to it.”).  Needless to say, this can often cause consternation, especially to those not accustomed to Hoosier ways.  Consider this little dialogue that went on when someone came into a repair shop to check on an item he’d brought in for repair some time ago:

“I was just checking on that small appliance I brought in for you to repair.”

“I haven’t gotten ‘round to it yet.”

“But it’s been ten years!”

“I said I’d do it when I got ‘round to it!”

But that’s nothing compared to Indiana “I Woulda, But…” Time.  This is heard frequently in the Hoosier state, “I woulda, but…,” followed by some excuse that one is expected to automatically accept as a perfectly good and valid reason, no matter what it is. To do otherwise is considered very bad form.  Here’s a typical example of what I mean:  “I woulda, but…well, I got drunk instead.  And then, because I was drunk, I had to fuck the dog.  And, by the time I finished fucking the dog and sobered up, it was too late.  But I woulda!”

Australopithecus hoosierensis is not the only unusual fauna found in Indiana.  The Hoosier state is home to those other weird (by non-Hoosier standards) but common denizens, the Two-legged Pigs and the Two-legged Sheep.  Two-legged Pigs are especially prevalent in Indiana among politicians, notably Republican and Tea Party ones; among “community leaders,” businessmen, many labor leaders (which are actually an endangered species now in “right-to-work” Indiana), numerous clergy and “spiritual leaders,” and, naturally of course, bosses and managers.  Two-legged Sheep comprise the vast majority of the rest of the population, especially voters, and are characterized by their constant passivity in the face of everything while bleating loudly, “Baa, baa, baa,” at anything that disturbs their desired brain-dead tranquility.  The Two-legged Pigs, for their part, constantly bark, “Oink, oink, oink” authoritatively as though they were giving orders they expected to be obeyed without question.  The Two-legged Sheep then respond with bleats of “Baa, baa, baa” to the all the “Oink, oink, oinks” that are uttered by marching off, mindlessly and herd-like, to be turned into lamb chops.  

 

 

 

     

Special Celebrity Pizzas

I've been away from my blog for awhile due to illness and work. so I thought I'd start again by posting a little satirical humor. "Specialty Celebrity Pizzas" grew out of a conversation with friends about a pizzeria that specialized in unique offerings named after celebrities. Sh here are my own Specials, brought to you by Chef and Humorist George Fish!

Barry Manilow Pizza (has to be really lame)--topped with Chef Boy-Ar-Dee spaghetti and meatballs

George W. Bush Pizza--a half-baked pizza crust topped exclusively with American cheese. Hold the hummus!

Glenn Beck Pizza--severely undercooked male cow meat on a half-raw pizza crust: 100% bull, and the whole thing only half-baked

Barack Obama/Bill Clinton Pizza--topped with waffles

Rush Limbaugh Pizza--topped with corn and sprinkled liberally with bullshit. Served with vitriol on the side

Fox News "Fair and Balanced" Pizza--all the toppings so placed that the whole pizza tilts sharply to the right

Hu Jintao Pizza--topped with American-style club sandwich. Hold the Ma-o!

Benjamin Netanyahu Pizza--stolen pita bread topped with Kosher corned beef

Islamic Suicide Bomber Pizza--a heavenly delight served exclusively by virgin waitresses

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad Pizza--we deny this pizza contains any Kosher pastrami, lox and bagels, or Gefilte fish! Or that it ever did!

Arizona Governor Jan Brewer Pizza--Mexican-style taco pizza with 100% made-in-USA ingredients only

Senator Mitch McConnell Pizza--contains absolutely nothing, because we can't afford it!

Rand Paul Pizza--topped with ribs, collard greens and chitlins: proprietor reserves the right to refuse to serve it to anyone he pleases!

Wall Street Pizza--topped exclusively with massive amounts of money

BP Pizza--massively spread all over with Louisiana Gulf oil: so popular Bobby Jindal demands more!

Healthcare Reform Pizza-- a healthy mixture of fruits and vegetables with no recisions, but sprinkled liberally with deductables, exclusions and loopholes

Afghan War Pizza Buffet--all you can stomach, with no end in in sight